I suffer from an invisible illness. Around the age of 16 I was diagnosed with manic depression, border line bipolar. I was then put on an anti depressant. Around the age of 19 my then boyfriend convinced me to get weened off my medication. I have been UN-medicated every since. I am now 25.
If you spend enough time around me, you will notice my moods fluctuate. For the most part, I handle it pretty well. Until recently that is...
The other day, I had the worst breakdown I have ever had. I've been in a very good mood lately, so it only makes sense that I would come crashing down. I'm trying to focus on the good things in life, and not on Wednesday. I recently decided to go back to school. I was able to get funding and I start on Monday. I'll be getting my associates degree in human services. So things are going really well for me. Ever since Wednesday though, my nerves are completely shot, and the littlest thing makes me nervous. Even going to work.
Everything was going fine on Wednesday and then BOOM!! It all went to hell. I was screaming, crying, throwing things, kicking doors open. I couldn't hold still. I couldn't stop pacing the house. It hit hard, fierce and very suddenly. Then all at once, it went away and I was left with the after math. My dogs were terrified of me, my husband was scared for me and mad at me, and I felt like shit. I couldn't stop crying and apologizing. I didn't know what had happened. Thankfully, my husband is amazing, and understood. We called our family doctor and I have an appointment on Monday to see about getting put back on my medication.
I'm also nervous about getting put back on it. Before, if i didn't get a refill in time and ran out, I experienced horrible with drawl symptoms. That is something I do not want to go through again. I know getting back on them is what is best, but it still scares me.
I'm hoping and praying for the best, and trying to focus only on the good. Hopefully my nerves will heal, and I'll stops being so jumpy and jittery.
