Eternally alone.

Do you think I enjoy this? That I like being grumpy and pushing everyone away? It's all I know how to do. I injured and no one seems to get that. The fact that it is only a chance, does not make it any better. Sorry that I am not all unicorns and rainbows the day before we find out. The fact that there is a CHANCE I can't have something I have wanted and dreamed about since I was 5, it's very depressing to me. I'm sorry that you don't understand. I'm sorry that you don't feel the same. I'm sorry that you don't really seem to care at all. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my nose. I could understand not worrying if it was a small chance. This is a BIG chance, not one in a million. The though literally makes me stop breathing. I feel my heart drop to the floor, and my eyes well up with tears. But you don't care. I don't even know where you are. Oh wait, there you are. Reading a book in another room, while I type and cry furiously-by myself.