Lonely

It's 3:00am. 11-18-12

There is nothing moving in the house. 
There are no feelings in my body but sadness.
In the distance, I hear the lonely sound of a train.
I wish I were on that train.
Taking me far away from my problems for just a little bit.
I'm so lost I feel like I can not breathe.
But I am not on that train.
I'm sitting in my living room.
Alone.
Listening to the lonely train go by.

The "F" Word

The "F" word. To some people it is a four letter word that ends with "uck". To me, it is a 7 letter word. FAILURE. I hate the word. However it seems to fit the scene...



I have never felt like a bigger "failure" then I do today. I don't think I have ever cried as much as I have today.

Back in September I got promoted to supervisor at work. I have done EVERYTHING my boss has asked me to do and more. I have dealt with his mood swings with out complaint. I have clocked in and out according to the time on my phone.

Today, I was demoted. DEMOTED. Another word I hate. I was told there have been too many problems. Keep in mind everyone that works there is 50+ years old. There is only one person younger than myself. No one wants to answer to someone younger than them. I have been as nice as possible to everyone. I have been helpful and done EVERYTHING my boss asked me to do. He accused me of ghost employment. Funny thing is, I NEVER left the building unless it was the end of the night, or my lunch break. I can not wrap my mind about what happened. All I know is my husband and I screwed now.

I feel like I have let everyone down. I feel like a loser. Like a failure.