Explanation....

*****I've started this blog as a way to get my thoughts out. I'm not here to get sympathy, or advice. This is simply an outlet. I'm not here to inspire. This is simply an outlet. Yes, I've said that a lot, but I need to make it clear. THIS IS ONLY AN OUTLET!*****

I'm 25 years old. Recently married the man of my dreams. No kids. Just a dog and a cat. I work for the county as a housekeeper. This is not exactly how I thought my life would go. I figured I would graduate from high school, attend a great college, and graduate with a major in photography. Then, I would go places. Travel a little and see the world a bit.  From there I would open my own studio and spend the rest of my life doing the thing I love. 

Well, I didn't graduate high school. I got my GED a few years later. I have not attended college, nor do I have plans to do so anytime soon. I moved to Arizona a few years ago. Again, things did not go as planned. I bounced from place to place until I finally tucked my tail between my legs and came home. It's amazing how much I missed it here.  Shortly after moving back I got a job and ran into my now husband. (more on him and our story later.)

Honestly, 4 out of 7 days, my life is great. I have an amazing, devoted husband who loves me just the way I am. He would do anything for me. He's seen me at my worst and still loves me. I am forever grateful that God brought him into my life again.  I have my dog who is very attached to me, and I have my cat who loves me but keeps his distance, really only wanting to cuddle when I'm upset, which is fine with me. I also have my mom. A beautiful women who lights up the room when she walks in. She has seen her share of tough times, and has kept going. When things get tough for me, she is my inspiration to keep going. She is by far the greatest woman I have ever met.  I could not dream of a better mom. Yes, like any of us, she has made mistakes, but she always owns up to them and makes them right. She is beautiful inside and out, but she will never admit it. My father is a part of my life, but we don't get a long very well. He's never been very supportive. He is very controlling. Even now, at 25, he tries to control my life.  He and my mother never really had a good marriage. They fought most of my childhood. He was abusive to her in the beginning, and to us kids in the end. My mother finally left him two weeks after I moved to Arizona. I was 22 when I moved there. I am the youngest of three kids. My brother is the oldest. We are almost exactly alike.  He is married with a son who is 5.  His daughter will be born in about two weeks and I couldn't be more excited.  My sister lives in Arizona. She is not married. She does not have kids. We do not get along very well.

Outside of my husband and mother, I have two friends. Both are co-workers. (I use the term "friend" lightly. These are just the two I see on a regular basis) I've been burned a lot as far as friendships go. I keep my inner circle small for a reason. I'm also a very awkward person when we first meet. I'm always worried that I'll say the wrong thing and blow it. Which usually does end up happening. Sure I have about 100 friends on Facebook, but how often do I see those people? Answer, not very. Like I said, I've suffered a lot of hurt and disappointment in the friendship chapters of my life. I'm the person that is always there for everyone, but when I need someone, there is no one around. I'm sure you can imagine, this gets very lonely. I can't just call someone up and say "Hey let's go shopping!" I have to plan this out months ahead of time. Even then, I usually end up going alone. I understand though. People are busy and most of my "friends" have kids as well. However, even though I do understand, it still gets lonely.

All in all, my life really isn't that bad. I can't complain about what I don't have, and I can't complain about what I DO have. Sure, I wish certain things were different, like the friend thing, but in the end, would it really make a difference?